I wash not pished
I spent most of my weekend in France this weekend. My last trip was in March which ended up in a drunken singing session on the coach as we returned to the Uk. This booze cruise trip was also from work, and we could invite whoever we wanted. I was pestered into taking my deranged 19yr old half cousin Ayesha with me. I knew I’d regret doing it as I can’t even keep her under control but she came down from Manchester for the weekend so she could play with Elmo!. She was sad enough to take Elmo on the coach with us which made him quite popular with the other 3yr olds…
We set off for Dover at 04:00 on Saturday morning. We reached Dover very quickly, caught our SeaFrance ferry and starting crossing the channel. Last time we did this, the sea was nice and calm, this time however it felt like I was in a canoe in the middle of the pacific! The weather in France, Calais was horrid (again), but we were here for ze booze! Four hypermarkets were visited, and lots of booze purchased! I ended up spending just over £250 on a whole load of assorted drinks, while Ayesha tried to chat up a young guy at the customer service desk. I think he didn’t understand a word she was babbling on about, he certainly looked puzzled.
We visited Boulogne after that for 2hrs but it was miserable. The weather was dull and almost everyone was too tired to even get out of the coach after having run around hypermarkets for a solid 3 hours or so. Coming back to the Uk was fun. At passport control, I tried to convince them that Ayesha was an illegal lol, they actually told her to stand to one side for a few minutes until she eventually found her passport! 
The coach broke down just 30mins after leaving Dover. While the driver and his assistants tried to sort the issue out, they were unaware that most of us had sneaked out the side of the coach and grabbed as much booze as we could from our personal purchases! Bwahaha. Once again, half the people on the coach were totally smashed and drunk somewhat silly as we sang every Robbie Williams, Westlife and thankfully Oasis tracks that the driver had put on just to shut us up. Good luck explaining to your mum why your jeans stink of Jack Daniels & Coke Ayesha
I had a lovely time, partially marred by the weather but I’m safe and happy knowing that I’ve got enough booze to give friends and family for Xmas now. Mmm Baileys Truffles!
Published on
October 15, 2006 in
Babble.
I’ve been looking everywhere for one of this Xmas’s hottest presents, but can’t find one anywhere! I’m off to France at the end of this month for two days so I’ll be scouring the stores and hypermarkets over there for any chance of pre-ordering the thing. This is a plea for help, Elmo must be found! Seriously lol, if anyone knows where I could pre-order one (apart from amazon uk) I’d be most grateful 
The Gospel According To Chris Moyles
This week I bought my first autobiography! It was titled ‘The Gospel According to Chris Moyles’. Superb read to be fair.
Chris Moyles happens to be the Uk’s most popular breakfast radio show presenter and is a true legend. Him and his team have escalated Radio 1’s listening figures enormously and as a result, they’ve won a string of awards. Chris has just released his autobiography, which will no doubt sell like hotcakes. He’s not the biggest star in the world like your Wayne Rooney’s or your David Beckham’s but he’s very well known anyway.
So I’m perusing Amazon Uk for biographies when I stumble across a whole host of them belonging to no name British so called talent. There was a biography from Chantelle Houghton – the dumb winner of Uk Celebrity Big Brother! The ditzy cow is only in her 20’s and yet she’s got a book out detailing her ‘life’?! What life? 20yrs of it? Are you taking the pies woman?!
A biography is meant to catalogue one’s life’s achievements for crying out loud, a written account of your life if you will. As I looked around it got worse, and to cut a long story short I saw many biographies from totally non-celeb tv personalities which infuriated me somewhat rotten. Of course at the end of the day its money making scheme so they can make the most of their 15mins of fame before they become non famous. Granted tubby Chris Moyles is in his 30’s but he isn’t a non celeb is he? He’s the presenter of the biggest radio station in the Uk which has constantly seen its viewing figures rise and rise through the years, and shows no sign of stopping. He’s achieved a lot in his life and his book, while being funny has a lot of sad elements to it too.
What really annoyed me was seeing countless England footballers having their biogs up there. There’s Rio, Rooney, Frank Lampard (who couldn’t hit a barn door), and Steven Gerrard to name just a few. Is this what the overpaid muppets were doing during Germany 2006? While the entire nation back home is spending bucket loads to celebrate their national team, the football stars are busy sitting in their hotels slaving away on their laptops writing books? Pathetic if you ask me. They’re footballers, not bloody book authors and certainly not bloody entertainers. Overpaid? Too sodding right.
Saw this story earlier this morning and it had me in complete hysterics.
SYDNEY, Australia – A 22-year-old man attempted to drive 310 miles in reverse on a remote Outback highway after his transmission failed, blocking his forward gears, police said Friday. The man was stopped by Western Australia state police on Thursday afternoon after they spotted his car roaring in reverse down the highway at about 40 mph, according to a statement.
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