Off to France & Italy for a bit
Wow, it has been a busy week for me. I’m off on holiday from tomorrow night visiting France for a day, which happens to be a trip from work to shop for lotsa booze! The stuff is dirt cheap in Calais, so we go there around three times a year to stock up on the stuff. Then on Sunday night, my girlfriend and I head off to Italy, Venice for a week. I am really looking forward to it now, except as I write this I have realised that I don’t really fare well on ferries – I hate bumpy rides! Venice has been one of my dream destinations for years now.
Yesterday I had a major shock at work when I was called to the director’s office. I thought I was going to get in trouble for taking too much time off from work lately, but instead he had called me in to give me advance notice of a promotion beginning on April 2nd…not the best of dates mind you…
I was totally bricking myself and then knocked sideways as I heard the news that they had planned this for months. I am not entirely sure what my new position entails just yet but it is basically design work for military hardware as I have become increasingly versed in this area over the years. I am excited and nervous, well mainly nervous because I am afraid of failure from doing a job I’ve never done. Thankfully, the people who I will be working alongside have been very welcoming towards me joining their ranks so it’s not all bad. I’ll be buggered if I am wearing a suit to work though – I’m not that type!
to this or anything else 
France Day!
What a day this started out to be! The night before we headed off towards Dover, myself and Ayesha did some extensive research – We both decided to find out what the weather would be like over in Calais and Bologne. We both came up with differing results, she said "sunny yay!", and I said "cloudy and rain", great so that has more or less proved that we are stuffed if we go there. Almost every time I head off to France, the weather ends up very dull.
Anyway, we were ready to head off from my workplace at 6am on Saturday morning. Ayesha started causing trouble early by disrupting the coach driver as he took a headcount of everyone. She did this by chanting random numbers at him as he walked past. Meanwhile my girlfriend Deena is silent and nervous, mostly about the Italy trip, which we will go on later tomorrow night. The trip through Dover, towards Calais was rather uneventful to say the least. The weather was awful, the two girls sat in the lounge holding their heads as the boat rocking from side to side made them both ill. Therefore, I was free to roam the ship and headed straight towards the duty free shops for some early scouting of booze prices!
Like most of my work colleagues, I decided to hold off purchasing drinks at this stage in case they would be cheaper at the hypermarkets in Calais. The ferry ride was dull though, as was the poor weather. Calais wasn’t any better either. The moment we hopped off the coaches, it began raining like hell and we all scampered into the hypermarket, and then ran back out realising that the trolleys were all outside! It was those annoying ones where you need to stick in a pound/euro deposit, which ALWAYS results in the unlocking mechanism getting jammed at the worst of times. Watching Deena lose her temper in the freezing rain while trying to pull a trolley loose had Ayesha and myself in stitches
We had about an hour to shop for booze and ended up spending quite a bit. I spent €208, which came up to £147. Deena spent around €130, and Ayesha spent €3 on a big bottle of Dooley’s – the only thing she can handle which does not result in her becoming an accident-prone muppet on legs. Not a bad start to the day!
We then headed off to some huge random supermarket that would make your average Tesco’s supermarket look shameful. I swear, we hear about French cuisine being an experience and a half but it always shocks me to see the way they present food & veg at their supermarkets – they put UK stores to complete shame. The fruit & veg area was exquisite, presentation of the food was top notch and get this – the fruit and veg had not a single blemish or black bit on them, it was just beautiful fresh, gorgeous food. We ended up having to drag Deena out of the fresh cheeses section, as she couldn’t get enough of the free samples on offer there.
This single store made me realise why so many of my work colleagues are leaving the UK to settle down in France – things are much cheaper here and the quality of food you find in towns and supermarkets is of a high standard. Deena bought me The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion for my Xbox 360, without my permission might I add. She only told me about this on the coach as we had left the area to head to Bologne. Now I am not sure if I can switch the language on this game so I’m a bit stuffed if it is all in French.
Bologne was a disaster waiting to happen. We reached there around 3pm and were dropped off at some old cathedral spot, while the drivers went off to the pub. Great! I am not even familiar to this part of the city either. We were all in our little groups, so we thought we would go in some random direction and find town as the girls wanted to go shopping for girlie stuff. To cut a long story short – We managed to get well and truly lost and ended up in what can only be described as a road that resembled the classic Tom Hanks film – The Burbs! Then it began pee’ing down with rain and wind and we were all drenched with nowhere to even take shelter! It was a disaster and a half! Eventually we found a small Antiques store run by some teenager…
Me: "Err, bonjour monsieur"
Teen: "Ah, bonjor monsieur!"
Me: "erp, me anglais – WHERE IS THE CITY?"
Ayesha: "Unc, I need the loo!"
Me: "Look, later hold it" <I pull out a water-stained photo of big cathedral>
Teen: "Ahh, que blah blah blah <insert random French gibberish> blah"
Me: "Arse, this isn’t working"
Ayesha: "Gonna find alleyway!"
Me: "Noooo!"
Teen: "ah toilette Madame?"
Ayesha: "Yes! Wee!"
Teen: "Ah oui madame?"
<Ayesha barges past the queue to the backroom>
At this point me and Deena wanted to die. We walked in the freezing cold for 1hr 20mins before we found the city and the hotel where our coach was. Both girls had hair that looked like they hadn’t washed for two weeks, and my hair had lost its stunning touch and wasn’t spiked up. Oh the horror.
We sat in the hotel bar lounge exhausted, tired and very hungry so away we munched on our food and drinks, just as two other groups from our coach entered, also looking like hell. We all looked at each other and did not mutter a single word, we were just too tired. We eventually plucked up the courage to go shopping into the city, while the girls shopping for girlie things like shoes and handbags. I headed off to the nearby GAME store, which had a single Playstation 3 console running Motorstorm, while the rest of the store had Xbox 360′s running Gears of War, Rainbow Six: Vegas and Fight Night 3. The poor PS3 got hardly any attention, and who could blame the punters to be honest?
An hour later, we were back in our coach heading back to the port of Calais while it rained wind and hail outside. The two girls fell asleep on each other, while I sneaked to the rear of the coach with the other lads so we could start early on our just purchased drinks. The ferry back to Dover was as rocky as before which had the two girls feeling ill, while I wandered around buying top notch Scottish Cookies and Swiss Chocs! Yum!
Passport control at Dover was not amusing. Apparently, I look like a terrorist in my passport photo according to Dave the Passport man, while Ayesha looked cross-eyed in hers and Deena had a look of fury in hers. Does anyone out there actually have a decent passport photo that actually resembles you I ask?
So this has been a summary of what transpired in France when myself, my girlfriend and my brat little buddy Ayesha joined me on a booze cruise in France. The weather ruined mostly everything, but we got what we came for – lots of booze, while the girls wasted money on girlie stuff!
In a two hours time, me and Deena head off towards Italy, Venice where hopefully we’ll have better luck with the weather
lol, I had a wild time thank you!
I guess you have reached venice by now…have fun too!
Well I’m back home and dry. We got back late last night and slept for ages upon doing so.
It’s been an experience and a half over in Italy. It’s nothing like I expected and just so different to how I imagined. We loved being there and had a really enjoyable time. As a result, Deena and myself have returned home with major pizza cravings right now. We’ve had loads since coming back lol
Time to sort out my luggage!
Cravings?
YOU TWO HAD NOOKIE!
either that or you had some grass and she had a vibrator..
*wonders if this will get posted*
Hey mate, glad you enjoyed yourself
Pizza cravings I said! Man, kids nowadays! They just get the wrong ideas right away!
Heyy
I demand updates! 
Okies, some updates then! I hadn’t a chance to mention anything because I was busy learning the ropes with my new position at worky
Venice is so impressive and unforgettable. I’ve always loved the photo’s I saw of this place, and it’s even more awe-inspiring seeing it up close and personal.
There’s so many different places to visit, so it’s quite staggering. Me and Deena wanted to goto too many places in a day, so we had to stop and plan our day ahead. The waterways are amazing, it’s just like a spider’s web of canals and bridges all over the place. Lots of small narrow streets litter the entire town, and the building architecture is lovely.
We went for a lovely stroll around St Marks Square and visited the cathedral before getting lost, and then finding Doge’s Palace. There’s a lot we did and quite frankly it’s a lot to type out, especially as I’ve just woken up over here. Phone me sometime and we’ll talk
I deffo want to go back there sometime this year though. I’ve got 35 days holiday, from the end april onwards so i’ve got the time